Like It Or Not
by me malum
Summary: Femme!Tharkay. How does the crew react when circumstances force her most deeply-buried secret to be revealed?


Wrote this over a year ago- was originally part of a longer story. Might add more oneshot-ish pieces to it at a later date. This was the scene I really loved though, on looking back over what I'd written.

Warnings: gender-bending. Femme!Tharkay. Spoilers for _Black Powder War_. English spelling (yes, I was told this needed a warning).

Disclaimer: I don't own Temeraire, and even if I did, I probably would've named him something completely cliched like Blackie.

Set during the night after the avalanche. Haven't read the books in a while, so if there're any mistakes, please spare me.

Leave a review? (make my day!) Onwards for fic ('cause formatting's not letting me put in any line breaks):

Tharkay had a serious problem, she realised. Her only dry (ergo, warm) clothes wouldn't hide very much of her figure. But it wasn't as though she'd be wearing a dress. In the dark, and many layers, and if only for a short amount of time, they probably wouldn't notice her (and in her mind at least, she stressed the female pronoun).

At least, she hoped it would be so. With a snort, she shrugged on her overcoat, lifted the tent flap and berated her own fears.

It was still with trepidation, however, that she joined the survivors of the avalanche around the fire and accepted a cup of what purported to be tea. Eventually, only half an hour later, she couldn't take it any longer and retired early to her tent, far earlier than normal, and than the rest of the men. Inside, sheltered from the wind, it was slightly warmer, and she shrugged off the heavy coat that did most of the concealing of her gender.

In hindsight, it was probably a mistake. At the time, however, her mind wasn't coming up with much other than-

"Ah." Tharkay couldn't really think of anything else to say. Still, she imagined she looked less stunned than Laurence; she did, after all, know beforehand that she was of the female persuasion. _Her_ surprise was from being inopportunely discovered.

He started slightly when she spoke, and forced his mouth closed. Even in the darkness of the tent, she could see spots of anger in his cheeks. In a tight, low voice, he bit out, "I won't ask for anything now, but when we have reached Istanbul, by God I want an explanation." He turned to leave and spoke with his back to her. "I will not inform the crew; it is your choice. I suspect you would be surprised by how uncaring they'd have been if you'd been honest from the beginning."

Tharkay was still stuck on (and in some distant part of her mind, cursing) the realisation that he cared enough to check on her health. Shaking her head slightly, she figured that no, it wasn't her he was checking on, but their guide. With her ill or dead, they were lost in the desert.

She cursed her thoughtlessness, her sex and even the fact that since she'd buried her eagle earlier, there was no one to send fuming looks to, and be given strange, beady eyed faces in return. It had been rather comforting previously.

The next morning, she discovered amongst her other problems that her clothes were not yet dried enough to wear. Sighing, Tharkay folded them wet and pulled on her untailored set. The ones that in daylight, accentuated more than was hidden. She pretended to herself that the trembling in her fingers was cold, not fear, as she exited her tent and began to pack up. As was her habit, she was awake before most of the men, and had no confused stares or comments.

It was strange, she reflected absently, to be doing her everyday things in the non-constricting clothing for a change. She hoped none of the aviators would cause too much of a scene, even as she suspected it couldn't be avoided. Darkly, Tharkay thought that had it been entirely her choice, she would have kept the secret just that, _secret_, and told Laurence in privacy at Istanbul that _no_, he wasn't mistaken, and _yes_, she did this to everyone. And if he wanted to know any more, he could travel to Nepal and ask his questions to her mother's grave.

Sitting down, she hunched around the remains of the fire and tried to place herself unobtrusively on the edge of the circle.

"Tharkay!" Granby called from the other side of the fire. "Some breakfast?" He offered her a plate and a grin. She grimaced. Without trying, it was him that would make her life- difficult.

Her stomach growled. It couldn't be escaped; she was hungry. Head held high, she stood and crossed the fire to take the offered plate.

The first lieutenant didn't even notice at first, until she had all but turned to go back to her seat. The abrupt cease of conversation made her glance down at him and raise an eyebrow. "Yes?" She asked.

Granby looked confused, but to his credit, he kept his eyes on her face and stopped Ferris before he said something in his shock that he'd regret later. He gave her the universal, 'what the hell is going on?' look, and apologised automatically before turning back to his conversation.

Tharkay smirked and sat down in her seat, stared at by most of the men. If it wasn't in surprise, she would be extremely on edge. Conversation was either loud or stilted, depending on what side of the fire she was listening to, until the captain emerged from where he was talking to Temeraire. He saw her choice of clothing, and nodded in greeting, apparently completely at ease.

This, of course, garnered more looks of surprise from the gathered aviators. Their captain had known? How? She could almost see their minds working away at the question.

Tharkay foresaw them reaching a most unwelcome conclusion, and spoke up before it became common assumption.

"My other clothes are still soaked through. This isn't some honest act of regret on my part, Captain." Both man and dragon turned to look at her.

Under Temeraire's eyes also, her stare began to waver. But then Laurence snorted, put a hand to the dragon's side before he could start his questions, and said, "Honesty from you, Miss Tharkay? I'd never be so presumptuous."

Tharkay didn't know whether to be relieved or insulted; finally she decided to get up and return to her tent. She pretended she didn't hear the sudden uproar behind her, and instead focused on packing her gear for the day. Istanbul was still many days' worth of travel away, after all, and until then she was their only guide.

Despite the situation, she grinned.

_Whether they liked it or not._


End file.
